So it's Homecoming week again and just like every year before I'm sitting home alone on my computer while my roommates go out and have fun at the dance. My best friend said we should go even if we don't have dates and I was totally for it and then she got invited to a thing with her sisters and decided to go stay with them for the weekend. She abandoned me and I didn't want to go to the dance by myself or with my other roommates who had dates cause that would just be awkward ya know? I don't think I'll ever get over my intense dislike for this particular school event. I didn't cry about it today though so I'm very proud of myself. I did cry yesterday but that was a combination of Homecoming week, PMS, stress, and a bunch of other things. It's just not a good week. Maybe it's the hormones but I really want to cry. I thought I did all my crying yesterday but apparently not, and yesterday was particularly bad. I was playing sudoku in my history class while I waited for class to start and I almost started crying. I swear when I'm PMSing it's like my emotions are attached to a switch. One minute I'll be fine and then the next I'll be weeping uncontrollably. It also didn't help that my teacher decided to talk about Homecoming and then my roommates friend wrote a cute song to ask her to the dance. I know the saying "you don't need a man to be happy" and most of the time I live by it because lets face it my dating life is pathetic at best, but on nights like this It's extremely hard to believe it. Not even my uplifting playlist is helping. And you know when you constantly have people telling you "Maybe if you were more outgoing you would meet more guys" it doesn't make it better. I'm already in a hopeless battle with my self esteem. Constantly telling myself that there's something wrong with me, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not skinny enough, I don't smile enough, My fashion sense leaves something to be desired, I'm not athletic, my personality must be lacking, etc. So when people tell me to change something about myself, like the fact that I'm painfully shy around people I don't know, it doesn't help promote the "be yourself" attitude that's being plastered all over the internet these days.
I just wanted to talk about it and I don't want to talk to people I know because they'll tell me that I am pretty and smart and I don't need to worry about dating, or that I should be more outgoing if it bothers me because you know "girls CAN ask guys out too." I can't tell you how many times I've heard that. Do they not remember the "Painfully shy" part or do they just think it's me being overly dramatic.
Well like the title says life sucks some days.
