So . . . it's been over two years since I've written on this blog. Yeah . . . *shifty eyes* I mean it's not like anyone really reads my posts but still I feel like I shouldn't have neglected this blog so much. I guess I just don't know what to write. Like what do people want to read?

Maybe I should start posting crazy conversations from my group chats with my friends. That might get some laughs out of people. Or I could tell you all about the awkward top or bottom conversation with my gay coworker (I honestly was not talking about what you think and what he thought I was talking about.) Life as an introvert with an anxiety disorder and a strange need for attention (which is a total contradiction I know) could also be a fun topic to delve into.

See? I'm a total attention whore I write a blog because I want attention. It's also the reason I write fanfiction. I live for comments from other people but only from random strangers online (maybe sometimes in person) I hate having eyes on me. Giving speeches or dancing in front of someone is like a nightmare. Even still, I would love to start a vlog but I hate listening to my voice recorded and I don't like the way I look on camera.


Who am I kidding I don't like the way I look all the time but I can ignore it for the most part because I can't actually see myself most of the time, unless I pass a reflective surface but I've gotten really good at avoiding those so again it's a non issue. Editing videos of my face for hours though . . . that would be a nightmare. That's why I chose to write. You can't see me, I can't see you and there is no back and forth. It's a one way conversation. I guess in a way I don't actually like talking to people, just talking at them. I could talk at people for hours and hours about pointless crap but I can't hold a conversation to save my life.

So that's it. I'm a shameless attention whore who is terrified of social interactions. It's like being in this constant state of dissatisfaction on the one hand I crave attention and approval from everyone around me but on the other hand I really want nothing to do with the people around me.

I don't know internet, I just don't know.

If anyone actually takes the time to read my drabble I'm sorry. Truly, truly sorry.