10 Don'ts of Online Dating

Online dating am I right? It's a stinky armpit just like regular dating. Only it can be ten times worse because you've got all the socially awkward and shy people (I'm no exception to this statement, why do you think I had to resort to online dating?) This results in painfully awkward and, lets admit it, often times rather creepy messages/conversations.

 Ok so I'm not claiming to be an expert and my opinion on this subject isn't worth much but I thought I'd share what I've found doesn't work. This might not be true for everyone and if you have comments, things you think should be added or removed, I'd like to hear them.

1. In your first message do not ask for the person's number:
This is just stupid, honestly. I know that I, personally, don't feel right giving my number to a complete stranger and really the sites provide you with a perfectly good way of communicating. Wait a few days, talk to the person a couple times and then ask for a number or ask if they would like your number. Really if you move too fast you're gonna scare a lot of people off.

2. Clingy is bad:
So you finally worked up the courage to message the hottie you've been eying and they've responded favorably to your message and you actually had a good conversation. That's fantastic! Go you! Just don't go to far. Do not, I repeat DO NOT message them every day for the next month. Give them space. Let them think about what you've talked about and maybe wait to see if they start a conversation with you. Because I hate to break it to you but sometime people are just nice and they feel like they need to respond to every message they get even if they're not interested and then they get stuck talking to someone they don't really want to talk to. And then that someone won't leave them alone and messages them every day expecting to have hour long conversations. This will not make them like you more it will have the opposite effect and make you seem clingy and desperate. You don't want that. In fact this should just be a rule in all relationships people need personal time to process things (some more than others) give people their space especially if you want them to like you.

3. Don't divulge personal information that's not asked for:
Nothing kills a conversation more than when you're talking about movies and you mention a good one you've seen with your sister and the person your talking to suddenly reveals that they were abandoned as a baby and have no siblings. Like where did that even come from. First that's completely off topic, second it's completely inappropriate for a first or second or even fifth conversation, and third you just took a light, fun conversation and made it awkward and sad. Now that person you're talking to feels uncomfortable and doesn't know what to say. Also they're probably thinking "ok so is this person gonna freak out or break down every time I mention my family? I can't start a relationship with a person who can't be around my family."

4: Don't talk about or send pictures of your unclothed body:
This one goes with number 3 if they don't ask then they don't want to know or see. Also this is not acceptable in a first message and you will be shut down without ever getting a chance.

5. Get the hint:
Like I mentioned before there are people who will respond even if they're not interested and then they spend the rest of the conversation and all subsequent conversations hating themselves and trying to subtly get you to stop talking. Learn how to pick up on these hints.
If they're only giving you short one or two word responses they're probably not interested (it's possible they're distracted, if it only happens once, but if it happens every time you talk they probably are not interested in the conversation)
If they ignore you for a day or two before giving a lame, half assed, excuse about why they were ignoring you they're probably not interested.
And this last one I'm guilty of, If they start telling you repulsive, rude, unbecoming, etc. aspects of their personality and start talking about how much they dislike something you're passionate about then they're probably trying to scare you off so they don't have to be the one doing the rejecting. Because while rejection is hard and it's one of the biggest fears when it comes to dating it's always better to trick someone into rejecting you than having to reject them. At least that's how I feel, I hate rejecting people but if I can get undesirable people to reject me then I'm just fine.

6: Don't move too fast:
I cannot stress this one enough. Don't talk about marriage or children until you've been dating a reasonable amount of time. If you live far away from the person you're talking to then don't talk about flying out to see them especially if you've only been talking for three days. It will freak them out. Plane tickets are not cheap and you're gonna make them uncomfortable if you spend that much money to see them and they don't really want to see you or they're not ready to meet in person. Wait a little while before getting on the plane. Also refrain from pet names early on. there's nothing more unsettling than a parson you've talked to twice calling you babe or sexy all the time. If they start with the pet names and you're comfortable with it then go right ahead but don't do it unless you have a good indication it will be welcomed. If they're not reciprocating with pet names then you should stop.

7: Stop saying you have a lot in common:
I've lost count of how many first messages I've gotten where the guy says "We have so much in common" and then when they continue to remind me of "how much we have in common" in every conversation it gets annoying. I seriously want to say "No we don't, you don't even know me. All you know is what I've told you and that's just surface stuff that's not very unique or important. You don't know about my penchant for staying up till 4 in the morning reading, or my irrational fear of vacuum cleaners and the splash mountain ride at disneyland, and you don't know the reasons behind those fears. You may know what my favorite color is and the title of the last book I read but you don't know why that color is my favorite or how the end of that book tore my heart out and the only way to mend it was to spend hours reading fan-fiction written about the book. You do not know me and you have yet to earn the privilege of knowing the important parts of my life."
Liking music, movies, the out doors and pizza is not at all that unique and if that's the common element you plan to base all of your relationships on then I've got some news for you.
When you do this it's like you're trying to convince the other person to like you because of what you like. If you have to constantly convince them to like you in such a stupid way then they probably don't really like you.

8: KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid):
Keep your first several messages and conversations simple and short. Don't try to keep a conversation going for several hours (especially on week nights) Because when people get home from work at night the last thing they want to do is take part in a lengthy conversation about trivial things and they also probably have to get up early the next day and go back to work. If you're talking to someone one night and they say they need to go to bed at 10 don't keep talking, say good night and the next time you're talking to them on a week night remember that they go to bed at 10 and plan accordingly don't make them remind you every time you talk that the conversation has to end at 10. It's one thing if you're both really into the conversation and you lose track of time it's another thing entirely if one person is falling asleep and the other person won't shut up.

9: Don't stalk them online:
If they tell you they need to go to bed and then you notice they're still online don't make a big deal out of it. Some people need down time before they go to bed and so after they end the conversation they will spend time online unwinding with music or a computer game. It's not because they don't want to talk to you (unless they've been exhibiting behavior from #5) They just need to unwind and they can't do that while talking to someone. Also don't assume that you are the only person they are talking to. Unless you've had a discussion and come to  an agreement about being exclusive you have no right to be mad about them talking to other people. If they still have their profile set up and they check it regularly then they probably don't consider you as more than just a friend/potential partner. And do not expect them to stop talking to other people after only a few conversations with you. Don't add them on face book unless they ask you to don't follow their blog unless they ask you to, don't follow their Instagram unless they ask you to. Are you getting the picture?

10: Don't Give Up:
Please don't give up even if you're facing rejection just keep trying. If one person doesn't like you move on to the next one and the next one just don't let the fear of rejection keep you from trying.